A TOUGH BLOW TO THE OLD BALLS
November 21, 2005
Glenwood, IA - Coming off of a 50 point blowout of the Hoseheads, two possible scenarios could play out. One scenario would see the Balls on a high and continuing their pounding into the next game. The other scenario would be one where the Balls would deflate and suffer a let down against Gang Green.
The latter of the two was the ill fate of the Old Balls.
"We suck!", exclaimed Justin Huisman. "How the (expletive) do we give up a 10 point lead in the second half? I'm done with this (expletive)...get out of my face!"
The Salvation Army bell-ringer had no response to Huisman's outburst as he exited the liquor store following the team's loss. However the bell-ringer's 8 year old daughter was crying after Huisman took her Candy canes she was selling for charity.
Team Old Balls, sporting their new blue team shirts, got off to a shaky start. The blue Balls kept thinking they were going to score, but every time they tried they got turned away, a painful and frustrating experience.
"I've never seen so many missed bunnies since my dad and I went rabbit hunting after drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels", explained Bob Mills. Mills managed 8 points and 11 rebounds in what turned out to be a worthless effort for the entire team. "I don't know why I wasted my time here tonight, my Colts are 9-0 and I missed one hell of a game. Thank god I have TIVO...Go Colts!"
Down 11-3, the Old Balls received a comforting relief from the warm hands of 6th man, Charles Smith. Smith came in and scored 7 straight points for the Balls.
"I should be starting instead of Beardmore.", explained Smith. "But noooooo, Chad is the team captain so of course his sorry ass has to start every game. Why do you think he started his own team this year?"
The Old Balls battled Gang Green for the entire half, ending up at a halftime tie of 25-25. One major key was stopping Gang Green's key weapon.
"The black guy hasn't dunked on us yet...so we're winning that battle.", said Matt Portrey. Portrey was assigned to guarding Gang Green's most obvious weapon. "He tried to fool us by wearing a blue shirt like us, but we'd still be able to pick him out of a line-up....I don't mean anything by that though, I'm just saying."
The second half started completely opposite of the first half for the Old Balls. The team worked well together, which is a strange concept in basketball. Multiple passes were made, screens were set and butts were smacked...in a congradulatory way, not a gay one.
With a 10 point lead, the Old Balls were working together like they should. Gang Green had to call a time-out and regroup.
"We had to do something to stop the beating we were taking from the Old Balls." said Andrew Dean, captain of Gang Green. Dean had 9 points, 6 assists and the best hairdoo for team Green. "There was only one thing we could do."
"They had 6 friggin' guys on the court!", exclaimed Jim Hanson. "Once they started their press, people were flying all over the place and it was hard to keep track of the number of people there were. But I know I tried stealing the ball from 6 different players on one offensive posession. I hate cheaters...I'm gonna go home and tell my mom."
With a 6 to 5 advantage, Gang Green erased their 10 point deficit and took a 3 point lead.
It was time for Chad Beardmore to step up. Beardmore committed 4 fouls in 27 seconds, setting a new league record. He was able to put Gang Green on the line for a 1-and-1 attempt. Chubbs McTubby, missed the front end giving the ball back to Old Balls. Clay Lincoln went to the basket and was fouled, but was unable to convert. Old Balls had a couple of posessions, but could not find a decent shot. Gang Green went on to win by 3.
"It's like there was a lid on the basket.", explained Lincoln. "Don't get me wrong, I can't make many shots, but the ones that I thought were dead center bounced out. I think it was the little kid here before the game for that birthday party. The had pinatas hanging from the baskets before the game. When we kicked them out they were obviously upset and one little girl even said 'Good luck Mister!'. I think she meant 'Good luck making a shot, because we put clear plastic covers over the rims so you lose you mean, old S.O.B.!' I hate kids...other than my own."
Following the game, the alleged girl was seen getting into the vehicle of one of the Gang Green players and was heard asking, "I did a good job right Daddy?". The girl, team and Glenwood Rec Center are under investigation by the Mills County Gaming Commission for rigging the game.
Glenwood, IA - Coming off of a 50 point blowout of the Hoseheads, two possible scenarios could play out. One scenario would see the Balls on a high and continuing their pounding into the next game. The other scenario would be one where the Balls would deflate and suffer a let down against Gang Green.
The latter of the two was the ill fate of the Old Balls.
"We suck!", exclaimed Justin Huisman. "How the (expletive) do we give up a 10 point lead in the second half? I'm done with this (expletive)...get out of my face!"
The Salvation Army bell-ringer had no response to Huisman's outburst as he exited the liquor store following the team's loss. However the bell-ringer's 8 year old daughter was crying after Huisman took her Candy canes she was selling for charity.
Team Old Balls, sporting their new blue team shirts, got off to a shaky start. The blue Balls kept thinking they were going to score, but every time they tried they got turned away, a painful and frustrating experience.
"I've never seen so many missed bunnies since my dad and I went rabbit hunting after drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels", explained Bob Mills. Mills managed 8 points and 11 rebounds in what turned out to be a worthless effort for the entire team. "I don't know why I wasted my time here tonight, my Colts are 9-0 and I missed one hell of a game. Thank god I have TIVO...Go Colts!"
Down 11-3, the Old Balls received a comforting relief from the warm hands of 6th man, Charles Smith. Smith came in and scored 7 straight points for the Balls.
"I should be starting instead of Beardmore.", explained Smith. "But noooooo, Chad is the team captain so of course his sorry ass has to start every game. Why do you think he started his own team this year?"
The Old Balls battled Gang Green for the entire half, ending up at a halftime tie of 25-25. One major key was stopping Gang Green's key weapon.
"The black guy hasn't dunked on us yet...so we're winning that battle.", said Matt Portrey. Portrey was assigned to guarding Gang Green's most obvious weapon. "He tried to fool us by wearing a blue shirt like us, but we'd still be able to pick him out of a line-up....I don't mean anything by that though, I'm just saying."
The second half started completely opposite of the first half for the Old Balls. The team worked well together, which is a strange concept in basketball. Multiple passes were made, screens were set and butts were smacked...in a congradulatory way, not a gay one.
With a 10 point lead, the Old Balls were working together like they should. Gang Green had to call a time-out and regroup.
"We had to do something to stop the beating we were taking from the Old Balls." said Andrew Dean, captain of Gang Green. Dean had 9 points, 6 assists and the best hairdoo for team Green. "There was only one thing we could do."
"They had 6 friggin' guys on the court!", exclaimed Jim Hanson. "Once they started their press, people were flying all over the place and it was hard to keep track of the number of people there were. But I know I tried stealing the ball from 6 different players on one offensive posession. I hate cheaters...I'm gonna go home and tell my mom."
With a 6 to 5 advantage, Gang Green erased their 10 point deficit and took a 3 point lead.
It was time for Chad Beardmore to step up. Beardmore committed 4 fouls in 27 seconds, setting a new league record. He was able to put Gang Green on the line for a 1-and-1 attempt. Chubbs McTubby, missed the front end giving the ball back to Old Balls. Clay Lincoln went to the basket and was fouled, but was unable to convert. Old Balls had a couple of posessions, but could not find a decent shot. Gang Green went on to win by 3.
"It's like there was a lid on the basket.", explained Lincoln. "Don't get me wrong, I can't make many shots, but the ones that I thought were dead center bounced out. I think it was the little kid here before the game for that birthday party. The had pinatas hanging from the baskets before the game. When we kicked them out they were obviously upset and one little girl even said 'Good luck Mister!'. I think she meant 'Good luck making a shot, because we put clear plastic covers over the rims so you lose you mean, old S.O.B.!' I hate kids...other than my own."
Following the game, the alleged girl was seen getting into the vehicle of one of the Gang Green players and was heard asking, "I did a good job right Daddy?". The girl, team and Glenwood Rec Center are under investigation by the Mills County Gaming Commission for rigging the game.
posted by Bob at 7:42 AM
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